REASONS IT’S GREAT TO BE A GUY

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you’re not in the mood.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. 
You don't have to monitor your friends’ sex lives.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. 
You can open all your own jars.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.  
When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying. 
Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Someday you'll be a dirty old man.         
You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go. 
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Your last name stays put. 
You can kill your own food.
Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
The world is your urinal.
You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow. 
You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
Your underwear is $10 for a three pack. 
None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
Same work . . . more pay.
You can write your name in the snow.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.    
You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
You can be president.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Everything on your face stays its original color. 
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.      
If you’re 34 and single, no one notices.
You get to think about sex 90% of the time.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You can eat a banana in a hardware store. 
Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day. 
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by. 
You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
One mood, all the time.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
The garage is all yours.
You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without thinking "he must be mad".
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
You get to jump up and slap stuff.          
An occasional talented belch is standard behavior.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
All your orgasms are real.
You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment. 
With 400 million sperm per shot, in theory, you could double the earth's population in 15 shots.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...  notice anything different?"
You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked. 
You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom. 
If you don't call your buddy when you said, he won't tell your friends you've changed. 
You think the idea of shaving a small dog is funny.
Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies. 
Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.